So we are currently in the middle of Lent. A time that I have celebrated for my entire life without knowing why until I was about 19 and even then I did not fully understand it for about another year or so. It is supposed to be a time of reverence to remember all of the things that Jesus did for us for His entire life. It is supposed to remind us of the enormous sacrifice that He made for us . “giving something up” for lent is not supposed to just be about giving something up for the sake of giving it up. No it is supposed to make us feel some of the things that Christ was feeling when He was sacrificing His entire life for us. When we give something up or try to do more good things, we are supposed to try to reflect and spend more time with God. Well let me tell you its not easy. I am currently struggling with this myself. Being a second semester Ph.D. candidate pretty much takes up my entire life currently and on top of that I am pledging in a professional chemistry fraternity which takes up most of the rest of it. The remainder of my time I try to use for things like sleep, or spending time away from things like reading or thinking, AKA hanging out with friends/family. Sooooo where does that leave time for Jesus…. well let me tell you, currently not much. Honestly when I woke up this morning knowing that I wasn’t going to church because I needed sleep and had to study, you know something is going on. I am trying and I know that people always say that there is always time for Jesus but what if there really isn’t right now? Does that make me a bad Christian? Does that mean that God is disappointed in me right now? Does this mean that when I do have time I am going to have to make up for all the time I missed spending with Him? I dunno, I mean I would like to think that this is not the case but how can we really know?
I feel like everyone recently who has said that there is time to bring Jesus into our lives is right, but they are not currently in school taking graduate level chemistry classes and teaching freshman Chemsitry and expected to be doing some research to at least learn a little about what I am getting my Ph.D. in. So I mean maybe if i was taking one less class maybe I would have time, or would I just fill it with something else. Am I just using these things as an excuse? I don’t know why I would knowingly do this, unless there is something that is holding me back subconsciously. I am not sure. I just wish I knew a way out of my current situation. Anyways on the idea of no time, I must go finish studying for this test that I have tomorrow…….
