Lent Sunday, Feb 24 2008

So we are currently in the middle of Lent. A time that I have celebrated for my entire life without knowing why until I was about 19 and even then I did not fully understand it for about another year or so. It is supposed to be a time of reverence to remember all of the things that Jesus did for us for His entire life. It is supposed to remind us of the enormous sacrifice that He made for us . “giving something up” for lent is not supposed to just be about giving something up for the sake of giving it up. No it is supposed to make us feel some of the things that Christ was feeling when He was sacrificing His entire life for us. When we give something up or try to do more good things, we are supposed to try to reflect and spend more time with God. Well let me tell you its not easy. I am currently struggling with this myself. Being a second semester Ph.D. candidate pretty much takes up my entire life currently and on top of that I am pledging in a professional chemistry fraternity which takes up most of the rest of it. The remainder of my time I try to use for things like sleep, or spending time away from things like reading or thinking, AKA hanging out with friends/family. Sooooo where does that leave time for Jesus…. well let me tell you, currently not much. Honestly when I woke up this morning knowing that I wasn’t going to church because I needed sleep and had to study, you know something is going on. I am trying and I know that people always say that there is always time for Jesus but what if there really isn’t right now? Does that make me a bad Christian? Does that mean that God is disappointed in me right now? Does this mean that when I do have time I am going to have to make up for all the time I missed spending with Him? I dunno, I mean I would like to think that this is not the case but how can we really know?

I feel like everyone recently who has said that there is time to bring Jesus into our lives is right, but they are not currently in school taking graduate level chemistry classes and teaching freshman Chemsitry and expected to be doing some research to at least learn a little about what I am getting my Ph.D. in. So I mean maybe if i was taking one less class maybe I would have time, or would I just fill it with something else. Am I just using these things as an excuse? I don’t know why I would knowingly do this, unless there is something that is holding me back subconsciously. I am not sure. I just wish I knew a way out of my current situation. Anyways on the idea of no time, I must go finish studying for this test that I have tomorrow…….

Leave a Response »

 

New York City Sunday, Jan 13 2008

SOOOOO I just got back yesterday evening from a WOOONDERFUL AMAZING trip to NYC. To rewind a little, I spent the last year living in Queens and working at Mercy Center in the Mott Haven section of the South Bronx. Mott Haven is one of the poorest congressional district in the nation and is home to many immigrants, mainly hispanic, both legal and illegal. I worked with the local children mainly running an after school program for children from 1st grade through 8th grade. I was so sad when I had to leave because I made some true connections not only with the children, but also with their parents and the other staff and friends I made in NYC. I sure did learn a lot from spending a year here and one really important lesson that I learned was how you may touch someones life by something so ordinary. It is amazing to me the things that touch peoples lives without you realizing it. This was discussed at church today and it is so true.

There is a little boy (Benjy) who was too young last year to join us in most of our youth programs. Throughout the year I only had very little contact with him, however towards the end of the year we went on a weekend retreat with about 8 families who participate at Mercy Center. His family was on this retreat. Last year Benjy was in pre-k, he has two older sisters, one who is in 4th grade now and the other is a junior in high-school. Well this family weekend that we had, I must have really done something that impressed this little 5 year old because for the rest of the year anytime he came to Mercy Center he would get so excited to see me. Well then I left and you figure that they will just forget about you…. nope that is not the case at all. I ran into his mother when I arrived at Mercy Center a week and a half ago and one of the first things that she told me was that Benjy was asking for me and when I was coming back. I would have expected this from the sister in 4th grade, but not from him. I was so touched that he would remember me. All week he came in and every day he would run over and give me a big hug and would be so excited to see me. At the end of the week, his whole family thanked me for letting Benjy have the opportunity to come to camp this year and that it made such a huge impact on him. (you see he still is a little young because we open it to 1st–8th graders but since I knew he was a good kid I let him come). To think that the simple words “of course Benjy can come to camp” would have such a profound impact not only on his life but on the whole family…. wow really puts my life into perspective to not take ANYTHING for granted.

God sure does work in some wonderful and mysterious ways to teach us things and I feel so blessed that God was right there by my side this week helping me to continue to grow. I am so blessed and I feel that even though I am still young I have learned many important lessons in life and I am excited to continue this processes of growing and changing.

Just thought I would share a little of what I had been doing since I left.

3 Responses »

 

Christmas Sunday, Dec 23 2007

SO YAY its almost Christmas…. what a wonderful day Christmas is.  I am so blessed to have an awesome family to celebrate this amazing holiday with.  I am always full of thoughts and questions when Christmas time rolls around the main one being am I living my life the way that Jesus would want me to?  Its hard because we all want to live virtuous and fulfilling lives but we are humans who are flawed and far from perfect.  The whole reason for Jesus’ existence was that He freed us from our sins.  He knows  that we are flawed and that we ARE going to make mistakes, but He is always going to forgive us.  That is something so powerful and hard to believe sometimes.  When I think about someone that did something so hurtful to me, I think about how I don’t think I would ever be able to forgive that person, yet Jesus does!! AMAZING!!!

So this Christmas I think about all those times that I have fallen away from what Jesus would have done and start again and try harder this time.  I learn from my mistakes and then I try to do better next time and sometimes in life we have to make mistakes many many times before we realize what went wrong but fear not, in the end it will all be ok if we Believe!  And I know that I sure do and I am so thankful for Gods presence in my life every day!

So I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas that leads us to deeper faith!

One Response »

 

Life Wednesday, Dec 19 2007

I have lived my life doing my best to follow the path that Jesus has laid out for me and even though I grew up that way, its not always the easiest path. Unlike many others, I have never had a sort of AH HA! moment where I realized all at once what Jesus did for me or what He wanted me to do. For me it has been more of a gradual thing which has been quite trying on me. I was so used to hearing all of the stories about Jesus and being taught that Jesus was the son of God who can to take away our sins and yada yada yada, that sometimes throughout my life I forgot that faith was about more than that.

I have been tested in many ways and sometimes I feel as though I failed along the way.  In these times, the moment that I finally realized I was being led astray, I did my best to make my way back.  Sometimes this was extremely hard especially during those times when I did not have anyone to help me get back on track. Since I have grown up Catholic, church was sometimes more of an obligation than anything else. In the last few years I have finally realized what “going to church” actually means. Its not just about taking the body and blood of Christ, and its not even just about hearing passages from the bible to fulfill my weekly duties. No its about connecting these things (and other things) to daily life. It is about relating experiences that we have to how Jesus lived his life and trying to live our life in hit footprints. 

Just recently I have been introduced to some new friends at a new church who are awesome and exactly what I needed.  Last year I was able to really search a lot in my faith because of the environment I was in and I feared that when I moved back home, I would not be able to keep up with it.  I am very thankful to Jamie for letting me tag along with him to church and to meet everyone because they have really helped me to keep God in my thoughts more so than if I didn’t know them.  See being in the field of science, not many people have much to do with religion, so many of my new friends here do not really get why I am as they would say “so into God” so it is awesome to have people there to help me. 

All this being said, I still need help and support to make sure that I stay on this path because sometimes life takes over and you forget the important things so if I go astray I hope that all my friends will help me back to where I belong.  I have also more recently started reading the bible more often because once again as a Catholic, we don’t really get taught to go home and read from the bible every day however the only way to really learn more and to connect more with God is to read about it from the source.  I am glad that I am able to work a little towards this relationship thanks to everyone so please keep encouraging me and giving me support if it seems like I may be off the path a little!

Thanks

One Response »

 

Work Wednesday, Dec 19 2007

You may or may not know, but I am working towards my Ph.D. in Chemistry at UB as of August of these year.  At first I was just taking classes but now I am officially starting to do research in the lab.  Its so exciting because I actually feel like I am finally doing something productive. 

I am also making a lot of pretty cool friends here which is nice because all of my friends from undergrad are always so busy with their things, especially since most of them are in relationships.  Its hard when you hang out with people who all have significant others and you are the one single person so I am really glad that I am making my new friends here and of course my new friends from Northgate who are awesome!   I look forward to getting to know all of my new friends better as the year continues.

One Response »

 

Friends…. Tuesday, Dec 11 2007

Yay to Larry cuz he is awesome and he figured out for me how to get my bloggers list on my webpage!! and YAY to all the other awesome people that I have recently started hanging out with more cuz they are truely wonderful! Also I am very excited because I got to hang out with a good friend last night who I haven’t seen in a while so that was nice.

On a not so fun note…. some of my friends who I was really really close with haven’t gotten back in touch with me in a while. I know that as you grow you sometimes lose touch with people but these friends were always so good at contacting me and getting together and staying in touch but more recently it has not been the case. Right now there is one person in particular that I am a little frustrated with.

So my friend Jeremy introduced me to a monthly lets call it a “get together” called Theology on Tap. We have been going since September and tonight was the last one of 2007 with Bishop Kmiec coming to speak and I was thinking about going but I wasn’t sure because I don’t really know a lot of the people that go normally. So Jeremy wasn’t sure if he was going to get to go or not because of his finals which is fine and dandy but I have been trying to get ahold of him for a few days so he would let me know if he was going to drop by or not and he never got back to me. I just don’t understand because I sent him a text and called him a couple of times and no response…. ughhh sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort into people to not even get a simple yes or no back from someone who I have been there for through so much!!

Well at least I have some new friends to look forward to and know they are better at responding. Sorry for the rant but it was just what was going on in this complicated little head of mine.

2 Responses »

 

First blog Tuesday, Dec 11 2007

So this is my first blog and I normally don’t do well with writing blogs and such but I thought that I would try something different because a lot of things around me and within me are changing lately so why not try something new. 

So a little about myself…. I am currently in Graduate school for my Ph.D. in Chemistry at the Univeristy at Buffalo.  I live in Lockport, NY currently with my parents to save some money.  My life is a little hectic right now and sometimes it is hard to keep going but I have to just keep pushing forward.  I graduated from Canisius College in May of 2006 and I spent the last year before I started graduate school in New York City running an after school program from 25 children in the South Bronx and it was the best year of my life.  Transitioning back to life in Lockport sure was interesting and difficult but I am getting back into the swing of things.

I have recently started going to Thursday’s at Northgate thanks to Jamie and I have met some amazing people.  I have gone to church my whole life and was raised Catholic and still am, but sometimes I feel like I need a little more than what the typical Sunday mass has to offer so I have been exploring things more the past 2 or 3 years trying to see exactly what Jesus means to me and not just means to the church and it has been a great journey that will continue for quite a while I am sure. 

Anywhooo— thats really all I have to say for now…

3 Responses »